I don't care about this damn blog anymore, or so it would seem, since I haven't written anything in three days. I don't care about much of anything right now. I want a vacation from my life and I want to remember what it felt like to be confident in myself and to take joy in life and not be bored stiff all the time.

I need what? I don't know. I'm just tired, I guess. But how the hell did my life get so boring?

My brother's band is breaking up. They were really good. Interest from record labels and everything. Now it sounds like he just wants a "normal life." So he's throwing away everything I ever wanted for myself.

I should have walked off the edge of the fucking Kennedy Center while I had the chance. Now too many people are dependent on me for me to just escape. So I appear to be doomed to a life of unhappiness.

Bullshit. I am a fucking self-piteous moron with no real sense of perspective. So I can go to hell. Maybe I'll take up drinking again.

The problem is that self-destruction won't only hurt me, it will hurt D, K, and the new one. I don't even have the right to be selfish anymore. The choices are all gone. How did this happen?

Does anyone care? If so, they should stop caring, because I'm not worth your time.

God! I'm thirty years old and my life is still adolescent, right down to the bad skin! WHEN DOES IT END? Today is NOT the first day of the rest of my life... the rest of MY life is off some road somewhere, and I'm busy living the life of some lame-ass nobody.

I even complain like a teenager. When do I get to grow up?

Who's to blame? No one but myself, right?

Screw this. I want to die, but I'm gonna keep on living, day after miserable day. I don't deserve the relief of death.