I would like to announce that I am incorporating myself. You can now buy shares of me which will return handsome dividends when I start making a profit, which I expect to happen any day now. In addition, as a shareholder of Squelch, Inc. (NASDAQ ticker symbol SQUEL) you will have a say in all my major life decisions. Should I re-incorporate in Bermuda? Should I raid my wife's pension fund? Should I hire Arthur Andersen to do my taxes? It'll be all up to you!
My expenses are minimal and my investments are strong ("investments" include food, water, clothing, shelter, compact discs, new computers. "Expenses" include soda pop. See prospectus for details). Strategic partnerships are currently underway with such profit-makers as Pyra Labs and Amazon.com. Squelch, LLP is already a proven leader in government contracting, from the Kennedy Center to the Unemployment Office of the State of New York. Our brand recognition and strength ("The World's Foremost Provider of Squelch") is well-known, while our charitable endeavors ($.50 to homeless man, 6/14/97; $10 to WPFW Radio, 3/21/98; career in theatre, 1994-1999) bring us considerable esteem in the corporate world. And, as is required in this era of mistrust, our balance sheet is completely transparent. (Invisible ink decoder ring available only to majority shareholder.)
Join Team Squelch today and help stave off another Great Depression!
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