Make an outline!

I don't know if it's just lack of sleep. I don't know if it's stress. I don't know a lot of things, including the proof to Fermat's Last Theorem, but that's not here nor there.

I do know that this afternoon I wanted to just put E in her crib and leave her there to cry.

I didn't, of course; I held her and soothed her and fed her. And she did stop crying at long last.

I had such great expectations for D's time at his pre-schools, and she comes along with her "I'm a seven week old but I don't take naps" attitude... Well, she does take naps, but only if someone is holding her.

At least I got a shower in today. Didn't get one of those last Friday. And I got lunch, too, which I didn't get yesterday.

I was probably too tired to write about it last night, but Mondays are the days that D goes to two schools--one in the morning and one in the afternoon, with only a forty-five minute break in between. If he refuses to eat what I've given him, he just doesn't eat. There isn't any time for second chances. He has generous snacks at both schools, at least, or so I assume, since he also refused to eat dinner.

The rest of the week, it's only one school per day--afternoons on Tuesdays and Thursdays, mornings on Wednesdays and Fridays.

I am very ambivalent about this. He loves the morning school (and I like it 'cause it's walking distance), but he has to go to the afternoon school (they're supposed to help his developmental delays). Is it too much, especially Mondays? We're paying for the morning school, and the county pays for the afternoon. So we could end the morning and save a bunch of dough. But is he better served by a developmental school where he's among the highest-functioning individuals, or a normal school where he can look up to kids who are at normal developmental rates?

And, while I agree that he's delayed, I really don't think he's as bad as he tests. He takes a while to get warmed up to situations, but is energetic and happy once he does so. And there's always the question: would he have been delayed at all if his eyesight wasn't so bad, and does that mean that, now that he has glasses, he shouldn't really be in a special school anymore?

I love the kid so much. I hope I don't screw him up. That's what fathers tend to do, don't they?

E, I think, will not be a problem. She's already gurgling and cooing in a way D wasn't doing at this age. If anything, she'll probably grow up too fast and start seeing men who are even worse than me. That's what daughters tend to do, don't they?