Trials.

Being a professional father is not a hard job. I know, according to the prevailing zeitgeist, I'm supposed to say, "Parenting is the hardest job in the world," but you know what? That's not the case. Shocking, I know. Here you were all thinking that I had it even worse than a commercial fisherman, a sweatshop worker, or an Iraqi policeman, and I ruin your preconceptions. (I have very few friends with kids, and now the ones without 'em will no longer buy me drinks after I've had a hard day with sick children, like today.)

Nonetheless, being a full-time parent (what a silly idiom--who isn't a full-time parent?) does have its own set of trials and tribulations:

• Sloth. When I was working outside the home, I would religiously shave and brush my teeth. (Which religion? I'm an atheist.) Now, I sit here typing this blog with three days' growth of stubble on my face. What's worse, I only brush my teeth in the evening now, even though I think it's disgusting. There just doesn't seem to be a reason to take care of myself.
  
• Leisure (or lack thereof). I have it pretty cushy, I know. Many people would kill to be able to stay home with their kids all day. But there's a flip side to this: I never really have a day off. Sure, on the weekends I get a hired hand, also known as my wife, to help out. But seven days a week I do my job, except under rare circumstances. Occasionally I designate a "personal day," where I resolutely refuse to make lunches, play with them, etc. Unless things are really bad, I make sure that doesn't happen when K is at work.
  
• Self-esteem. Everyone thinks they should be in a different place than they are, so I can't really claim I'm unique in saying that I didn't expect to be a full-time dad. But the Big Lie of the western world--or maybe I should call it the Big Expectation--that the man is supposed to bring home the bacon--well, that's ingrained pretty well into my soul. Especially since I basically grew up in a bachelor household, and my father's identity was and is bound up in his work. That I don't hold a "paying" job is sometimes a source of great shame to me. Even if you factor in the cost of day care.
  
• Temper. Regular readers--yes, you and you--know that I have trouble keeping my anger in check at times. So do my kids. And when we both holler at each other, which happens more often than I'd like... well, it's nasty.
  
• Time management. Uninterrupted blocks of time are so scarce that if I have personal projects on which I work, I inevitably wind up sacrificing the kids--or getting angry at them if they interrupt me (see Temper, above). But more than that, I can never budget enough time to just get out the door; no matter how hard I try, we're always five minutes late for everything.
  
• Lust. Some stay-at-home fathers, I'm told, are so bored during the down time that they just surf the Internet, looking at porn. Not me, of course. I would never do such a thing.